You Are Who You Spend Time With


Recently, I had a conversation with a friend over tea. We were discussing what we think it takes to successfully achieve our goals. Keep in mind, my friend is already an accomplished financial manager, yet there is still much more that they want to do.

We went over many traits and habits that are vital to achieving your goals, but the one thing that we kept coming back to in our discussion was that how successful we become is closely related to the people that we are spending our time with.

You see, we have always been picky in who we choose to call our friends. Humans, being social creatures, pick up part of our personalities and habits based off who we spend time with. So if you spend time with people you want to be like, emulating their desirable traits will come naturally.

Jim Rohn, a famous but now deceased American Entrepreneur and motivational speaker agreed, and was often quoted as saying – “We are the average of the five people we spend most of our time with.’

This is a very powerful quote. One that you should remind yourself of regularly, to make sure that the relationships you keep are healthy for you.

Lifters and Leaners

It is said that there are two types of people in our life, lifters and leaners.

Lifters are those people in our life that lift us up, inspire us and encourage us to become better people. They don’t take from our lives, instead they add value to them. They believe in us and support us, and don’t abandon us when we’re in tough situations. These are the kind of people you want to have in your life.

Leaners on the other hand are critical, cynical people who are only tuned to negativity. They’ll lean on you for support and take from you, but will never off their help in return. If they’re not happy with where their at in life, they’ll drag you down with them to make themselves feel better. Negativity will rub off on you, even if you’re not aware of it. Avoid this type of person at all costs.

Life is better and brings its own success when your social circle is filled with lifters, not leaners. Analyze your circle of friends to find out which friends offer their support and bring out the best in you and start investing in those friendships. Great friendships always pay dividends, and just make life that much better. If you’re finding that hanging out with certain people always makes you feel emotionally drained afterward, consider whether those people deserve a place in your life.

An Analogy

People are always searching for the “secret to success”. That one piece of information, that once they know, will change their life forever.

While I’m not entirely convinced that such a secret exist, I can promise you that this “secret” comes close.

That “secret” is that there is power in association. Or, in other words, good things happen to those who associate themselves with the right people.

The first and most obvious impact of knowing successful people, is that successful people often have connections. Connections that can benefit you too. Opportunities are available to those that know the right people.

But, it gets much deeper than that. Think about a golfer looking to take their game to the next level. How much do you think they’ll improve if they keep training and playing games and practicing with the same weekend hackers they’ve always been playing with. Is their game likely to improve?

Or will they keep spending more time in the rough searching for their ball than they’re spending on the fairway, until they invest in practicing with a professional, and start looking for a better group of golf friends.

It’s better to be the worst player in a good group than the best player in a bad group. In fact, if you’re the best, then you’re in the wrong group.

“If you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room” – Marissa Mayer, CEO of Yahoo

Attract the Right People

Have you heard of the law of attraction?

At its simplest, the law of attraction is the universal, unchanging principle, that like attracts like. So to find positive, encouraging friends, become a positive, encouraging person.

And attract success into your life by actively seeking it out. Work on your goals daily, and rather than focusing on what you can get, focus on what you can offer other people. You gain value by providing it. If you can contribute to someone else’s goals, chances are that they’ll be able to contribute to yours.


There’s a common saying among the worlds elite and successful, with a couple of variations, that goes something like this “Show me your friends & I will show you your future.” At first I didn’t entirely know what it meant, but now I understand, and I hope that now you do too.

Just as your taste in music is influenced by the taste in music of those you’re closest too, so is your entire life.

If your main circle of friends are intent on living normal, average lives, it will be much harder for you to find the motivation and develop the habits required to make your life extraordinary.

So if you are committed to getting more out of life, you should seek out people who want the same.

Remember that your time is precious, and limited.

So who are the people you spend most of your time with?


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